A Soggy Interlude

I realize I've been doing a lot of games that I like, but now it's time for something I don't like but played anyway like the masochistic bastard I am. (Am I channeling Yahtzee here?)

I'm talking, of course, about Super Mario Sunshine for the Gamecube. In theory, this game should have been great, as it was treading the same launch title Mario game path as Mario 64 -- unfortunately, it does not tread the path. It stumbles, cries, and wets itself.
The game looks very pretty and boasts great water physics for it's time, but why the hell would you bastardize the series by giving Mario a squirt gun? It was an innovative idea, but the best part of the game was when they took its gimmick away and made you do platforming. You know, the thing Mario games are supposed to be. They were excruciatingly hard at some points, but in a good, challenging kind of way, instead of the simpering preschooler sort of way that the rest of the game is.
The story is convoluted far beyond what a non-RPG Mario game requires, with a "shadow Mario" that frames you for polluting the sunny pianta capital of Delfino Island with wierd goop that sometimes resembles what Mario should clean up if he were doing what his real job was instead of rescuing a blonde with ADHD and stockholm syndrome. It gets even more bizarre by insinuating a lovechild between Peach and Bowser, who doesn't even show up beyond mechanical likenesses till exceptionally late in the game, leaving you wondering just who the hell you're up against and wandering around from point A to point phi.
It was a bad gimmick in the time when Nintendo was pushing the envelope by changing their star characters' games around so much, but it doesn't hold a candle to its peers of the age like Metroid Prime or Zelda: Wind Waker, or even Star Fox Adventures or Kirby's Air Ride. It's certainly not the second coming of Mario 64, simply because they tried to do something dumb with something that didn't need tweaking to be great and sell.
What's worse is that it's legacy continues as possibly the most useless Down-B move in Super Smash Brothers Brawl.